Everyone makes mistakes in their life… I’ve had my fair share. I cannot recall a bigger mistake than the one I have made as of late. The man that I am in love with is endlessly patient. He is thoughtful and kind. He is smart and handsome and makes me laugh with ease. He will forever be my dream man.
I failed that wonderful man. I let my scared hurt emotions take over and turn me into a woman that I no longer recognize. 

The beginning is the most logical place to start I suppose. I met him the third of November. He popped up on bumble as I was on auto pilot left swiping and I don’t think I’ve ever shook my phone as aggressively in my life. I don’t recall how many photos he had posted but I was smitten as soon as I saw that gorgeous man. Typically I refuse to swipe right on a profile with no bio but I saw that he worked at a company I once worked for and loved so I deemed this a reasonable enough excuse. Gutted would be the most appropriate word to use when we didn’t immediately match. I wasn’t sure of bumbles algorithm for people showing up in the match list but I was certain someone with an angel’s face like his must just be an inactive account. There’s no way he was actually on the market. I left bumble alone from that swipe on and went about my day. I checked my phone as I knew my next break at work should be soon and I saw that I had a new match. Literally holding my breath; hoping it was him, I opened the app and sure enough that angel face swiped on me (/insert heart eyes).  Being the zero chill sort of person I am, I immediately sent a message that I wouldn’t realize until later came off pretty creepy. I asked who he had replaced at my old company, naming two of my old coworkers that were in the department he listed on his profile. He replied shortly after with an understandable sense of hesitance at my knowledge of the goings on where he worked. I explained I worked there at one time a few years ago to try and make things less weird. Success. I ended up asking for his number because I could not bare the thought of not having a proper direct line to speak to him on. 
We began texting and getting to know one another’s taste in music, which made him even more appealing. Me, being the zero chill queen that I am, suggested that he come hang out at the bar I once worked at during the slower portion of my shift. To my surprise and delight he accepted the invitation and I had never been quite so excited to go to work 
While I waited eagerly for his arrival I did my best to not stare at the doorway in hopes to get a secret glace and size him up before he saw me. I played music on the jukebox and danced around the bar with my coworkers, weaved between them and patrons and did my best to keep busy until there he was. I’m sure I had a stupid smile plastered across my face, I seem to remember practically floating over to where he stood. I don’t remember what we talked about specifically. I just knew that I was in trouble. I was smitten from the moment he looked down at me. I knew he was the guy I would do anything for.